Well hello there. It’s been a while…4 months to be exact. Yeahhhh sorry about that. School and ball have really taken over my life and I have had no energy to do anything other than sleep.
Anyways, enough talk. Today I want to talk all those who are feeling Less than, Lonely, and Left out.
I hate taking L’s.
I hate feeling L’s.
Especially one of those three up there. But sadly I have felt them. All of them, and I’m pretty you have felt them as well, at least one of them.
Those 3 L’s were things I really used to struggle with. I used to have a very hard time controlling my thoughts about myself. I felt Less than. Like I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, important enough. I felt Lonely even though I was surrounded with people who loved me unconditionally. I felt Left out. Like I never fit in. Although what I was struggling with was internal, I felt like people could see right through it and wanted nothing to do with me.
I struggled with these things for a very long time. I had a constant ache of emptiness and I just didn’t know why. All I knew is that I was tired of feeling this way.
I remember talking to a good friend and saying to her, “I can’t live like this anymore. Idk what is wrong with me, but this just is not right.” I was sad ALL the time. Crying everyday. Having no drive to do anything. And the worst part is, most of those days I had absolutely no reason to feel this way. I just did. It got so bad it began to linger into my school work, my work ethic on the court, my relationship with my family, my friends, and my sexy ahh boyfriend. I knew it wasn’t right. It wasn’t healthy for me or for those around me. So I reached out and got some professional help.
At first I felt very pathetic. Like I’m only 22 years old and I’m meeting weekly with a therapist, about my life that really isn’t even that bad, but I didn’t know what else to do. After a couple of meetings I started feeling a little better, but nothing too dramatic. Something was still missing.
Then after one session with my therapist, who I love so much. I realized something.
The only person that can heal my ache of emptiness, is God. And all I needed to do was let him in.
Idk where you stand in your faith, but in those struggling times, I thought that I was honestly living a pretty good Christian based life, but in reality, I wasn’t. I was doing things with God in mind, but not really spending time refilling my soul with His word. I told myself I was connecting with him but was letting the world stir my affections. I would say I put God first in my life, but gave all my first moments to checking my social media or text messages instead of His messages. I believed that I had prayed about things, but in reality, I only worried about them.
I was doing it ALL wrong.
I spent all my time on my phone, or with my friends, and not with God. I was turning to the likes, validation, and love I was getting from other people instead of learning what God had to say about me.
And that’s why I always felt so empty.
I’m currently reading a book called Uninvited, and the author, Lysa TerKeurst wrote,
“How dangerous is it when our souls are grasping for God but we’re too distracted flirting with the world to notice. Flirting will give you brief surges of fun feelings, but will never really pull you in and hold you close. Indeed, the world entices your flesh, but never embraces your soul.”
“You can’t expect any other person (or thing) to be your soul oxygen. You can’t live as if your next breath depends on whether or not they give you enough air for your lungs. Because here is the thing, people (and things) don’t mind doing CPR on a crisis victim, but no person (or thing) is equipped to be the constant lifeline to someone […] The full taking in of God is our soul oxygen.”
This is my favorite…
“Being full of God’s love fills, settles, empowers, and brings out of best of who you are. On the other hand, the more full of flesh we are, the more we grab anyone or anything to fill that ache for love and acceptance, and the more empty we become.”
Then it just hit me. I can turn to my insta likes for acceptance, I can turn to my man for some love, I can turn to my family and friends for validation that I am good enough, but they aren’t going to fill me. (I’m not saying don’t turn to your loved ones for support. That’s what they are there for. God made people for community, and we do need each other.) But just understand no one will EVER fill you, the way God can fill you.
So… LET HIM IN!!
He loves you so much and just wants you to open the door so he can walk in and change your life. It’s challenging and it’s not always easy but it’s worth it. And it will take time! If you reflect back to my first blog post…it was very similar to this one. I did that on purpose. I want you to realize that you will have set backs, you will fall down, and it will take time. In my case, it’s taken me 4 months and I’m still not where I want to be, but hey, baby steps are better than no steps.
SO START STEPPIN’
God bless you.
“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty.”