Start Steppin’

Well hello there. It’s been a while…4 months to be exact. Yeahhhh sorry about that. School and ball have really taken over my life and I have had no energy to do anything other than sleep.

Anyways, enough talk. Today I want to talk all those who are feeling Less than, Lonely, and Left out.

_____________________________________

I hate taking L’s.

I hate feeling L’s.

Especially one of those three up there. But sadly I have felt them. All of them, and I’m pretty you have felt them as well, at least one of them.

Those 3 L’s were things I really used to struggle with. I used to have a very hard time controlling my thoughts about myself. I felt Less than. Like I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, important enough. I felt Lonely even though I was surrounded with people who loved me unconditionally. I felt Left out. Like I never fit in. Although what I was struggling with was internal, I felt like people could see right through it and wanted nothing to do with me.

I struggled with these things for a very long time. I had a constant ache of emptiness and I just didn’t know why. All I knew is that I was tired of feeling this way.

I remember talking to a good friend and saying to her, “I can’t live like this anymore. Idk what is wrong with me, but this just is not right.” I was sad ALL the time. Crying everyday. Having no drive to do anything. And the worst part is, most of those days I had absolutely no reason to feel this way. I just did. It got so bad it began to linger into my school work, my work ethic on the court, my relationship with my family, my friends, and my sexy ahh boyfriend. I knew it wasn’t right. It wasn’t healthy for me or for those around me. So I reached out and got some professional help.

At first I felt very pathetic. Like I’m only 22 years old and I’m meeting weekly with a therapist, about my life that really isn’t even that bad, but I didn’t know what else to do. After a couple of meetings I started feeling a little better, but nothing too dramatic. Something was still missing.

Then after one session with my therapist, who I love so much. I realized something.

The only person that can heal my ache of emptiness, is God. And all I needed to do was let him in.

Idk where you stand in your faith, but in those struggling times, I thought that I was honestly living a pretty good Christian based life, but in reality, I wasn’t. I was doing things with God in mind, but not really spending time refilling my soul with His word. I told myself I was connecting with him but was letting the world stir my affections. I would say I put God first in my life, but gave all my first moments to checking my social media or text messages instead of His messages. I believed that I had prayed about things, but in reality, I only worried about them.

I was doing it ALL wrong.

I spent all my time on my phone, or with my friends, and not with God. I was turning to the likes, validation, and love I was getting from other people instead of learning what God had to say about me.

And that’s why I always felt so empty.

I’m currently reading a book called Uninvited, and the author, Lysa TerKeurst wrote,

“How dangerous is it when our souls are grasping for God but we’re too distracted flirting with the world to notice. Flirting will give you brief surges of fun feelings, but will never really pull you in and hold you close. Indeed, the world entices your flesh, but never embraces your soul.”

“You can’t expect any other person (or thing) to be your soul oxygen. You can’t live as if your next breath depends on whether or not they give you enough air for your lungs. Because here is the thing, people (and things) don’t mind doing CPR on a crisis victim, but no person (or thing) is equipped to be the constant lifeline to someone […] The full taking in of God is our soul oxygen.”

This is my favorite…

“Being full of God’s love fills, settles, empowers, and brings out of best of who you are. On the other hand, the more full of flesh we are, the more we grab anyone or anything to fill that ache for love and acceptance, and the more empty we become.”

Then it just hit me. I can turn to my insta likes for acceptance, I can turn to my man for some love, I can turn to my family and friends for validation that I am good enough, but they aren’t going to fill me. (I’m not saying don’t turn to your loved ones for support. That’s what they are there for. God made people for community, and we do need each other.) But just understand no one will EVER fill you, the way God can fill you.

So… LET HIM IN!!

He loves you so much and just wants you to open the door so he can walk in and change your life. It’s challenging and it’s not always easy but it’s worth it. And it will take time! If you reflect back to my first blog post…it was very similar to this one. I did that on purpose. I want you to realize that you will have set backs, you will fall down, and it will take time. In my case, it’s taken me 4 months and I’m still not where I want to be, but hey, baby steps are better than no steps.

SO START STEPPIN’

God bless you.

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty.”

-Psalm 91:1

Stop the Burn

Remember that person that you talked to every day all day? That person you told your darkest secrets to and shared some of your hardest laughs with. That person you thought would be in your life forever and now it’s been a year(s) since you two have spoken?…Yeah you know who I’m talking about.

 

We all know that letting go is far from easy. Especially when it’s letting go of someone who once helped you stand in your falling times.

 

But ask yourself this…

 

Does letting go hurt more than holding on?

 

Take a good look at this…

 

burn

 

Who is the rope in your life?

 

I feel that many people, especially myself, hold on to the people in our lives that are toxic and need to be let go of. People that we need to step away from. People that aren’t worth our time anymore. We think that because we have gone through so much with someone that we need to stick it out and just deal with the way they treat us. Or that because someone has done so much for us and been apart of our life for so long that they are worth keeping in your life.

 

But are they?

 

In life, there are two types of people. The people that hold on to the rope until they have no skin left and the people that let go the second they feel the burn. I know for myself, I come across more burned hands than healed ones.

 

The biggest thing I have learned these past couple of months, is that just because you are close with or have gone to hell and back with someone does not mean they are worth keeping in your life. Honestly, you might not even be worth keeping in theirs. People outgrow people. That’s life, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you hate them or wish any ill will towards them. It just means their chapter in your book of life has come to an end and you need to turn the page.

 

You need to stop the burn.

 

Because I can guarantee you…that rope, that person that burned your hand, is not there to help you bandage it back up. And if they are, then it’ll just be an amount of time before they do it again.

 

Think about it like this. Your hands are probably the body part you use the most on a day to day basis. They help you do everything you need to do to have a productive day. But when they are injured, in this case burned, they are useless and your days are unproductive.

 

So let the rope go. The healing process will take some time, it won’t be easy, and it will hurt, but that’s okay. Because when your hands are healed and you have the most productive days, without any pain…you’ll forget they were ever burned in the first place.

I promise!

 

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.” -Philippians 3:13

 

God Bless You.

Stop Digging.

This one is for more the ladies, but could help some of you fellas out as well.

 

People tell us all the time to be yourself, and to stop comparing, and to just be happy with what you have. But let’s face it, with the generation we are in, it’s easier said than done.

 

I struggle with being my own person; with loving my own skin. I have been struggling with it for about 5 years now, but finally admitted it to myself not too long ago. I don’t know why it took me so long. I guess I was just embarrassed and felt that I was being ungrateful. God has blessed me with more than I could ever ask for, but yet I still feel empty and unsatisfied in some areas of my life. A lot of the time I feel that no matter what I do, and no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be good enough.  I have very low self esteem and I am constantly looking for ways to improve my self image, to get more likes, and to fill the hole that is within me.

 

I don’t write this for people to feel sorry for me or anything along those lines. I write this because I know I’m not the only one.

 

It’s hard being a girl, not saying that it’s easy being a guy, but in this generation…us girls have it worse. We’re held to a higher standard and have certain expectations we “have” to meet, in order to be considered beautiful. We all try to not fall into the trap of looking for other people’s approval but sadly, most of us do. We start looking at how many likes we’re getting…or not getting, we start trying to drop down a pant size…or two, and start searching for the next big thing to buy so we can show it off. Many people don’t understand the pressure girls in this generation feel on a day to day basis, but trust me…IT’S MASSIVE!

 

We say we’re happy in our bodies, but are we are constantly saying “I wish I had _” or “a _ would be nice.” I don’t know what fills in your blanks, but I know you have filled them in before. We all have. We have all looked in the mirror and found something looking back at us that we weren’t satisfied with. And honestly, that’s okay. But when it turns into an everyday thing is when it becomes a problem.

 

The biggest thing that I have learned thoughout these years, is the longer you sit and dig yourself into this hole, the harder it is to get out of. But that’s obvious right? Yet we still just keep digging. Why?

 

There’s someone or something in your life that made you feel less than. A heartbreak, a nasty comment, a certain post, abandonment, abuse…something! Whatever is it…

 

LET IT GO.

 

The worst thing you can do is hold on to something that’s blocking you from a blessing. Keeping you from having a happy, fulfilled life.

 

That’s what I try to do and what I tell myself everyday. To let go of all the hurt that has consumed so much of my life because it’s not worth it. I am better than that. You’re better than that. We’re all better than that.

 

But you have to believe it. So do I.

 

Because if we don’t our hole is going to continue to get deeper and deeper, and the ladder can only reach so far.

 

So stop digging.

 

Climb out of your hole.

And just be-YOU-tiful.